Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
