they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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