Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
