Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
