She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
