Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
we should paint friendship bongs
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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