She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
