people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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