yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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