Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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