i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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