It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
