Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
His hands were made for my vagina.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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