How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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