I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
