So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's blow job season.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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