I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
