He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
he just fucked me for my cheese.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
