My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
