Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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