I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
