And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
