Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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