i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
