All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
