Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
