I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
