Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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