I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
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Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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