her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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