That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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