Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
