You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
