New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you didnt know i had herpes?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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