You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
