I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
