oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
