Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
