i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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