I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
