butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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