either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize