Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
