I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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