Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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