The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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