i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
