We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
