i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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