She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
