opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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