Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
