Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
