I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
