It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
