I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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