According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
