well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
