So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
