I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
this just has baby written all over it
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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