Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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