If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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