I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
