Your dad touched me again.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So here I am, sexting at work.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
