I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
