I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
