you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
