Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
