Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
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His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
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The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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