My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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