How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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