a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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