An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
