Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You took a bar mat shot.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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